What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
