I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm passing your future prison.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
