I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
