Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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