Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
