If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
