the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
