The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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