I think my vagina is haunted
time to smoke my breakfast
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
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