You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
