Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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