I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
