Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
