I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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