I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
