Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
