my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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