If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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