I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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