i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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