Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
