well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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