my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Why are your pants in the freezer?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
