Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
