dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
