It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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