If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
