i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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