Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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