I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
