so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
