The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
