it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize