I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
