2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
