Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize