I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
