Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
