): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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