Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
