Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
