Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
