So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
