If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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