My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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