hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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