Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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