You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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