I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
