$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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