im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
