So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
