So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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