Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
