some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
