She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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