No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You're breaking my sexual little heart
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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