It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My bed smells like the plague
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
