she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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