my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's never too late to be topless.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
